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Vizsladogs, Ltd.
"LET SLEEPING DOGS
LIE"
(anonymous)
Whoever said "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep
with dogs. The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto
your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert,
awake dog and a dog at rest.
Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep the
heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal
deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to
move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed.
Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until
they have achieved the center position on the bed - with all
covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch
and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less
subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm
his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring
action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman
strength while on a bed. As you cling to the edge of the bed,
wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a
volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets
down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking.
Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy.
It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of
eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through
the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up
call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when
your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a
demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the
louder the dog. The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3
inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly
and the heap of dog flesh sleeps breathing heavily and passing
wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has
a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may
position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake.
The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on
your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies - or
the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.
Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes - you wake.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason.
Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at
night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.
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